We all want our kids to look back and say we gave them a great childhood — that we were there for them, that we listened to their needs, and that we nourished their interests. The last thing we want is for them to spend months or years in psychotherapy as adults, complaining that we screamed at them, pushed them to do things they weren’t ready for, or expected them to be miniature adults, rushed them to the next activity, or always rained on their parades.
Having more patience is easier said than done — or is it? Practice these 3 steps and let me know how it works for you:
Step 1 – Make a daily intention — but NOT what you might think! Don’t intend to have more patience. Intend to do something fun that day for YOURSELF. This will give you something to look forward to, so you’re too distracted with something fun to overreact to your children. It doesn’t have to be something big, like seeing a Broadway show or eating dinner at a 5-star restaurant. It could be reading a chapter of a new novel, watching a program you recorded weeks ago and never got around to watching, or even just typing something in google that you’ve always wanted to learn more about.
Step 2 – Imagine yourself at the age of your kids. How great were YOU at tying your shoes at lightning speed? Or eating your breakfast quickly? Did YOU always eat what your mom told you to eat? Remember that your child hasn’t done these activities 100,000 times yet — YOU have. When you foster empathy for your children, you are less likely to lose your cool. One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is the “Little Adult Assumption” that Thomas W. Phelan writes about in the book 1-2-3 Magic. When we think our kids are just little adults, our expectations skyrocket and our patience whittles away.
Step 3 – Keep the end in mind. In 10-15 years, your kids will most likely be living in a college dorm, and they will have minimal contact with you, as compared to now. This, too, shall pass, as the saying goes. They won’t commend you for getting them to school on time every day. They won’t remember that you did the laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, and cooked them breakfast at the same time. They WILL remember if you lost your temper frequently, or if you always dismissed them when they said, “Mom, watch this!” or “Mom, look what I can do!”
Try this at home and let me know how it goes! Feel free to comment here or share on Facebook!
