WATER kids are the most misunderstood of all the elements. They may be socially immature for their age and have some developmental delays that are NOT severe enough to prompt a medical diagnosis. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and feel how lonely he/she may be in a classroom full of kids who don’t relate to him/her. This is especially stressful during class times of unstructured social play. Rather than ask your child whom he played with that day, putting undue stress on him to make friends, take it upon yourself to get to know your child’s interests and find friends for him that way.
STEP 1 — Pay attention to what your water child wants to do, even if it is seemingly boring or unproductive to you. Water children tend to have quirky interests, which can exacerbate their social awkwardness. The idea is to see what interests your child, what gives him/her joy. Here are some examples of deep hidden interests that may appear on the surface to be a waste of time.
- Music — Perhaps your water child is interested in a particular musical instrument, or admires a lead singer who has screaming fans trying to touch his ankles. So he watches music videos in his free time, and it appears to be dulling his brain, but maybe not. Ask him in a non-judgmental way what he likes about the videos. You may be surprised to hear his response.
- Comedy and Drama — Your water child may obsess over television shows. They could be fictional or talk shows. Any of these preferences show an explorable interest, such as writing or acting. If your child shows an affinity for art, he may be admiring wardrobe or set design.
- Documentaries and Interviews — Maybe your water child watches a particular interview over and over again. He could be admiring someone very accomplished in a particular field. Ask in a non-judgmental way why he likes to watch this or that documentary or interview. My son used to watch a 60 Minutes interview over and over of Alex Honnold, the world’s most famous professional solo climber. He is now a regular at the local rock climbing gym, and can out-climb the older kids.
- Things That Move — Maybe your child is still interested in toy trucks and planes. Just when you thought he’d moved on to do something conventional, like join a soccer team, he wants you to buy him a toy race track. Or, maybe he plays video games too excessively for your taste. Tell him that he could get paid one day to design motors or video games, and that he would be great at it, since he plays with them so much. He may be interested in computer science or engineering.
- Dolls and Teddy Bears — Is your child playing with kiddie toys past the point that YOU did as a child? Ask him/her if you can play, too. See what comes up when you role play and he uses the toy to engage in dialogue and possibly share his feelings. You can find out information he may have been too afraid to share without using the doll or bear.
STEP 2 — Now that you’ve found his/her interest, use the internet to search for places in your area that have classes in that field. Chances are, you will find other kids with similar interests in those classes. But don’t push the friendship issue. Just take your child to the class and observe his behavior, both alone and in interacting with other kids. Encourage him to be himself, and try his best. Learning something new takes time and effort, so be sure to tell him that he won’t become an expert in one class. He may be comparing himself to a professional in that field, without knowing how many decades that person likely failed and practiced the skill many times before attaining success.
STEP 3 — You and your child are now regular patrons of this special interest class. As the mom, you can and should try to approach other moms and see how their children enjoy the class. If their child shares your child’s enthusiasm and you observe their getting along, just mention how great it is to find other kids that share your child’s hobby. If you are a wood, fire, or earth mom, it may feel natural to you to initiate exchanging contact information for a future play date. If you are a metal or water mom, you may feel more inclined to wait for the other mom to initiate.
“Pay attention to what your water child wants to do, even if it is seemingly boring or unproductive to you.”
STEP 4 — The class is coming to a close. Don’t worry if you haven’t scheduled any play dates yet. The process may take some time, and it’s better not to push. At the last class session, be sure to connect with moms you have previously talked to and reiterate how much your child enjoyed the class with their children. Ask if their children are signed up for the next class series at the same venue or perhaps have found a different venue. This alone may give you ideas to further your child’s network.
STEP 5 — Your child is now enrolled in a second or third course series for the kids who are serious about pursuing this interest. At this point, if you already know some of the moms, exchange contact information and suggest a play date if you haven’t already. If the moms are new to you, go back to step 3, and by the time you reach this step, you will feel confident enough to arrange a play date for your child.
In summary, every element has his ups and downs. WATER kids tend to be compliant with authority figures, but they need your help with social skills and play dates. Pay attention to your child’s innate interests and gently, gradually help him/her find friends. The most important virtue of a water child’s mother is patience.
Do YOU have a WATER child? What are your biggest challenges and victories? Please comment below, or send me a private message via the “Contact” page. For a one-page reference guide for raising a water child, please contact us.
