To watch the video of this interview, click here
For our readers who are new to the 5 element personality types, there are 5 types: wood, fire, earth, metal, and water. The EARTH type is in the middle of the spectrum in terms of introvert vs. extravert. The WOOD type is the fastest, most extraverted, and most confident. The WATER type is the slowest, most introverted, and potentially the least confident — although their confidence may be boosted by the right type of parenting.
The EARTH types of the world are our caregivers, our friends-of-all, our peacemakers — the ones who are always looking out for the welfare of others. They tend to participate in many varied sports and activities of their many friends, and they are ambiverts — so they are like introverts who can be the life of the party.
In Kelly Mahoney’s family, Kelly is a blend of earth and water (mud), her husband is metal, her daughter is fire, and her son is water. To read about the most common 5 element blends (such as mud), click here.
LS: When you hear about the 5 element types, what makes you think your son is a water type?
Kelly: He really likes to have time alone, and it takes some effort on my part to get him to socialize with the rest of the family. He has always been beloved by teachers, never causing any trouble because he’s so quiet.
LS: Yes, that’s really common with water types. Teachers and parents love them because they are compliant with authority. They do have their challenges, however.
Kelly: Oh yes! It takes a lot of supervision and repetition to get him to do household chores or find out information about careers and schools.
Another big problem with all teens — not just water types — is that they don’t realize that they have to start at the bottom when they get into a career.
LS: How old is your son?
Kelly: He’s 17, and has just one more year until he goes to college.
LS: Okay, I see, so he needs to get moving with his career planning, and sometimes water types are slow-moving. I’m a water type myself, so I get it. Sometimes it takes a little bit of spoon-feeding to get us going, and then we’re off, and totally independent.
Kelly: Yes, exactly.
LS: I use the 5 element cycles in my parent coaching. In the regulating cycle, earth regulates water. So what you do with water types is to act like earth — which should come naturally to you, since you’re partly an earth mom. Earth types are very nurturing and non-judgmental, and they see the good in everyone. So just approach him in a gentle loving way to see where he’s hit some roadblocks, and see what help you can provide immediately to help him move through the obstacles.
Kelly: Okay, that makes sense.
LS: I also use the nourishing/draining cycle, and water nourishes wood, which means that wood drains water. The other thing that helps for water types is to act a little bit like wood, and wood energy is like the pioneering self-starter. So you review his major goals, and break them down into mini-goals.
Kelly: That makes sense, as I have him using a day planner and it really helps him stay organized.
LS: Another big problem with all teens — not just water types — is that they don’t realize that they have to start at the bottom when they get into a career. They take a job without pay or low pay, doing something menial, and they get discouraged and decide they don’t like that career. But really, you have to start at the bottom with any career, so it’s a mistake to keep quitting their first jobs like that.
Kelly: Yes, I can see that happening. Teens today sometimes feel entitled.
LS: Exactly. So what you do is — again — utilize the wood energy to outline his goals, and explain to him how even a menial job is important to his future. If he’s working around professionals in his future career, he can get noticed if he does his menial job really well — even if it’s just sweeping the floor. So you explain to him, in detail, that if he does a simple job well enough to get noticed, he will move up a lot more quickly than he realizes, and possibly will have a “real” job offer when he graduates from college, and will save himself a lot of time and stress of looking for a job — the way his peers will be doing.
Kelly: Thank you, I will definitely find him a part-time job now in his chosen field, and will keep all this in mind.
LS: You’re welcome! Now about you — do you find that it helps to be an earth/water blend (mud) in your work?
Kelly: Yes, definitely. I work with women who are over-tired and trying to “balance” work and family, and just not having much fun anymore. I need to be nurturing and calming, so being the “mud” type helps! I’m a creative infusion coach, so a life coach with a specialty in getting women in their 40s and 50s to enjoy their life a lot more, tapping into their creative side.
LS: Excellent! It actually sounds like you’re tapping into their “fire” element! I love it! For those of you who have more trouble finding fun than work, here’s Kelly’s URL:
What 5 element type are you and your kids? For a one-page guide to determining 5 element type, please contact us.
