I started this blog to explore parenting from a new angle. And when I say “new” I really mean “old” — VERY old, like thousands of years old. The 5 elements characterize 5 types of children and adults, and this characterization dictates how we can navigate through the parenting journey by working with our kids’ natures, rather than following broad stroke parenting advice. The 5 elements are: wood, fire, earth, metal, and water.
When my son was 3 1/2 and still had no interest in wearing underwear, I was inundated with well-meaning parents offering advice. Here’s how the dialogue seemed to go:
Parent 1: “Just remind him that all the other kids in his class are out of diapers already.”
me: “But my son doesn’t care what other kids are doing.”
Parent 1’s advice may work well for a WOOD child, as wood children are super-active and aware of what others are doing, so they are precocious and sometimes competitive.
Parent 2: “Doesn’t he like trains? Buy him Thomas the Train underwear! Then he’ll be really excited to wear it!”
me: “Great idea, but I tried that already. He cares more about getting his diapers changed than he does about Thomas.”
Parent 2’s advice may work well for a FIRE child, as fire children are enthusiastic and ruled by their emotions.
Parent 3: “Tell him he’ll have more play dates if he’s out of diapers. Moms don’t want their kids falling off the wagon under his influence.”
me: “You don’t know my son. He’ll trade friends for diapers any day of the week.”
Parent 3’s advice may work well for an EARTH child, as earth children are people-pleasers and value relationships with others over anything else.
“The more we understand everyone’s 5-element type and the way the elements interact, the happier the childhood, which leads to a happy and productive adulthood.”
Parent 4: “Tell him it’s not fair to the other kids that his teacher has to take time out to change his diapers.”
me: “He cares about himself — NOT what’s fair to other kids.”
Parent 4’s advice may work well for a METAL child, as metal children are passionate about rules and justice.
So if you haven’t figured out by now, my son is a WATER child, and water children are sometimes delayed in their milestones, caught in their daydreams, and extremely introverted, such that their focus is exclusively inward. Think “navel-contemplator, wise (old-soul) sage, philosopher” types. Why should they walk or talk before other kids, when they have a lifetime to engage in such silly unremarkable behaviors? (I am a grownup water child myself, so I understand him.)
So did I ever get him out of diapers? I actually did. But I waited until he turned 4, when his language skills developed enough so that I could appeal to his contemplative nature. I told him calmly that I didn’t mind changing his diapers forever, but his teachers weren’t going to, and that he needed to practice wearing underwear at home so he could do it at school. Water kids are stubborn with a few selective issues, so it was rough at first. He screamed at me for 2 mornings in a row, demanding diapers, but I silently stood my ground and said he could only wear diapers at night, and that was it — no discussion, he could scream all he wanted and it wouldn’t change anything. From the 3rd day on, he wore underwear, and I can count on one hand how many times he has had a peeing accident. He hasn’t had any pooping accidents at all, and he is now 5.
This blog is dedicated to my son Louis, the WATER child. My goal is to help parents work with their child’s nature, and to be aware of their own nature and that of their kids’ teachers and coaches. The more we understand everyone’s 5-element type and the way the elements interact, the happier the childhood, which leads to a happy and productive adulthood.
