Have you thought recently about the way you felt when your teenager was born? Remember that love you thought was so vast, it seemed impossible to contain? That feeling that you would do anything for your baby, anything to make him happy, anything to see him smile. I mean, heck, you even loved just hearing him burp and fart, and it made you giggle. Do you wish you could re-create that feeling of cherishing your child, even when he is now acting so out of sync with your family values? Slamming doors, getting into trouble at school, maybe even experimenting with recreational drugs?
Step 1 – Get out the baby pictures, but do it alone.
The last thing your teenager wants to hear is that you miss “the good old days”. What you’re looking for is to dig out that old love that got buried the first few times your child talked back to you or got caught doing something bad. This is something you do by yourself, while your teenager is not around. Just sit and look at the baby pictures, and remember how grateful you felt to be raising a child. It’s a privilege, after all, to become a parent. It’s easy to forget about that when times get rough.
Step 2 – Send your teenager a text, but don’t ask him to do anything, and don’t get mushy in an out-of-character way.
Keep it brief, yet caring. Something like, “Hey, I saw (insert something here like his favorite food or a recent interest) and thought of you.” Another example would be, “It was great to talk to you the other day. Thanks for sharing (insert something here from a time — even a few seconds — that your teenager opened up and told you something about his day).”
Step 3 – Ask your teenager to take a video of himself doing something he cares about.
Don’t ask to do the activity with him, but tell him that you’re interested in seeing him doing something he loves to do. If he asks why, just say that life passes quickly and you don’t want to miss anything. Say that it’s only a matter of time when he will move out and start his adult life and you won’t see him very often.
No matter what your teenager says or does after that, just listen. As hard as it may seem, don’t take anything personally. He’s likely to be in multiple internal crises that you may not even know about, so all he really needs is for you to listen with love, and without judgment, should he decide to open up and include you in his life in some new way. Once he feels accepted, you’ll be surprised at what he’s willing to do to succeed in his chosen field of interest.
