You may be wondering why I started my blog, and why I’m so passionate about the 5 elements, with regard to raising kids.
Well, there’s a story behind the blog … and it’s a bit personal.
The problem appeared when my son turned 4. He was struggling in his Pre-K class from day one, both academically and socially. He wasn’t understanding the teacher’s questions or directions, so his natural tendency to tune out got progressively worse. At home, he would ask me for play dates that other kids didn’t want. I also received advice from well-meaning professionals to persist in getting him play dates, and to pay for a “social skills play group” on a weekly basis if I couldn’t get him any real (free) ones. I enrolled him in a pricey special play group, which he enjoyed…but I did not see much of a difference in his behavior around his usual peer group.
It was already the second year I had tried to put him in sports activities and arrange play dates, but nothing materialized regularly. He never connected with other kids his age at swim lessons, soccer, playgrounds, or at school. I had to stop him from chasing kids on the playground who didn’t want to play with him. We would both end up in tears, so I had to stop taking him to the playground. I was baffled as to what to do with him after school. Child care professionals said he was just immature and not pathological, not on the ADHD/autism spectrum — or not yet anyway. I even took him through an intense and very expensive learning program, where he had 1:1 sessions with a “brain trainer” who did cognitive exercises to raise his IQ. I was relieved to know he was capable of learning and retaining information, and his confidence improved enough to prompt him to talk more in school, but he still wasn’t making any social connections.
I was frustrated, lonely, and so was my son. Since he wasn’t interested in having me read to him, and would get tired of playing with his toys, I ashamedly started giving him free reign over his screen time. One day I noticed he was watching a 60 Minutes interview of Alex Honnold, a free solo rock climber, over and over again. I asked him if he wanted to try climbing at an indoor rock climbing gym, and he said yes. I found out about The Gravity Vault, a local gym in Monmouth County of New Jersey. They require the kids to be at least 5 years old, so I promised him I’d take him as soon as he turned 5 — at the start of the summer.
His introductory session proved he had the interest and ability, as he fearlessly topped the children’s walls. After he took a 6-week climbing class, I must admit I was still disappointed since I didn’t make any mommy friends from the experience, and didn’t end up arranging any play dates.
At the end of the summer, I enrolled him in a 5-day intensive indoor climbing camp, and the ages were mixed on a daily basis. I initially panicked because he was the only child who did the camp every day, and I thought he would object to the daily change in routine. Each day they had different kids, and their ages ranged from 8 – 13. I noticed that he was happy, confident, and comfortable even with much older kids — and climbed quite well.
This was my “aha” moment, as I realized I needed to separate my need for mommy friends from his need to have a happy and productive childhood — with or without play dates. Sometimes the conventional advice and current social norms of parenting are just plain wrong for an individual child. This is certainly true for water children, and my son is in that category. Water kids are highly introverted, may experience social delays, think and move more slowly, and are not cut out for contact sports.
For a one-page guide to determining 5 element personality type, please contact us here
I ended up getting belay-certified so I could hold the rope while he climbed, and I now take him to the climbing gym every day after school. Now his climbing improvements, along with putting him in a Pre-K Plus program where he’s the oldest child, have launched his confidence and mood! He is even articulating to me, unprompted, what his teacher taught him that day on a daily basis!
Further update: My son is about to finish kindergarten at our local public school. He is the oldest in the class, and has had play dates with at least half the class — and many were initiated by the other kids! His teacher is pleased with his academic progress and social skills, and he will be 7 at the end of the school year. Along with climbing, he now excels in gymnastics and running — individual, non-contact sports.
So you see — children of every element have potential challenges, but when we pay close attention to their nature, we have a chance to help them thrive, and watch them reach their full potential.
Now that you know more about me, I’d like to know something about you. What is your ideal outcome from reading this blog? Leave a comment here, or send me a private email via the Contact Us page.